In the mind-blowing, game-frenzied dating world, how can we tell what our pursuit is actually thinking or feeling??
Ladies: stop reading into stuff!! Just because you meet a male who is consistently kind and courteous towards you, for example at work, greeting you by name with a genuine smile, does not mean he is into you! And taking it one step further, he may even invite you to get dinner or to hang out-- AGAIN stop pairing your name with his last name in sugary cursive, or fantasizing about your wedding and future kids!! Just chill out, and accept and appreciate him for the nice guy that he is.
Male readers, this may sound ludicris, but the cautionary reference above describes an all too familiar reaction among women!!! Is it your fault? Noooo but we will probably still brand you as an asshole for failure to deliver on these fantasies! You must be aware of this perplexing but very real reality and if you are like most guys and can't just straight up tell the girl you don't like her, here are some other ways: Gush to her about other girls, restrict the topic to "guy" jokes and the like, and whatever you do, DO NOT compliment her!!! This may sound rash but these are the only ways this toxically hopeful (yet still quality) woman is going to "get it."
You may feel you have succeeded in conveying this message by dominating most or all conversations with comical exchanges, rather than meaningful dialogue or telltale interest in her life. Perhaps you have engaged in friendly activity such as dancing outright with her in the middle of Six Flags theme park, or even in "guyish" activity like rifiling off bullets at the shooting range. Ironically these types of conversations and experiences have actually only made her LIKE YOU MORE, send electronic conversational artifacts to her friends for analysis, and generally overanalyze your time together to the point of selecting bridesmaids.
So please, if you don't feel "that way" about your single and probably interested female crony, be a man and tell her that you really do value her AS A FRIEND (i.e. nothing more), and if you feel the need to send a stronger, crass yet still respectable, message, tell her you see her as ONE OF THE GUYS. Additionally, talking to her about other girls in a respectful manner will accomplish your lazy (let's be honest) mission of enlightening her, much more rapidly. And please, for the love of Pete, control your hormones and DO NOT engage in physical activity with the woman! While you may view it plainly as a relief of your sexual urges, the woman will often transfer the literal phyiscal interlocking to an emotional attachment and confirmation of blossoming feelings for her.
Ladies: If your special and exciting moments with your crush are most heavily encapsulated in pointless instant message interaction rather than actual dates and phone (NOT TEXT) conversations, he is just not that into you!! If he is, he will call you, consistently and perhaps constantly invite you out, and regularly ask when he will see you again. If you are the one doing all the work, extending or hinting at invites, and asking all the questions: Step back, whoop yourself upside the heayed (you know you deserve it) and realize that you are the only player in this fantasy relationship, POPULATION ONE.
Men: Well, aren't you always at the advantage. Women often play far fewer games! If we don't like you "like that" we often cannot bring ourselves to sleep with you. Heck I can barely bring myself to offer up a handshake! There are some exceptions to this rule of course, but generally "a woman looks for love and finds sex," while "a man looks for sex and finds love." So you can see our priorities are pointedly and often painfully reversed, and a woman will often use sex to express deeper, growing feelings. A man will often use sex to express, well, his erection. This is a fundamental difference between the sexes, people, take note of it!!!!
While I earlier cautioned womnen NOT TO read into dialogues or experiences with men, I will urge men to PLEASE DO read into those with your "lady friend!!" By reading into the messages you may be sending, guys, you will play a more moral game of not leading the girl on. On the other side, you will also deduce that if a girl is not incredibly responsive to your vocal or phyiscal interludes, she is really not that into YOU! Take your mind off your dick for a second and PAY ATTENTION TO THE CUES!! They may not always be spoken in her case either, but they are there! She too may not have the guts to tell you she's not into you, but please do take note of the awkward laugh, meager verbal responses, or sudden gravitation to whoever else is nearby.
Ladies, if this post has inspired you to reduce the inexplicably optimistic analysis of moments with your crush, and men, if you feel compelled to be more aware of the messages you may be sending or receiving, Nacho Cheese will have succeeded!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
this is my love life...?
let me just say that i have no clue how the random people who enter my life are drawn to me...but it's as though i am a beacon of light in "skrrrrt, really? sea" during a fierce storm. i think i've always been this way, but it's gotten more noticeable lately.
it began after thanksgiving, when i was asked out on a date with a man who can only be referred to as the cheapest, pt cruiser driving, self-proclaimed athiest in the midwest. as he persistently checked our tab, i couldnt help but think that he had to have scraped the Jesus fish off of his cruiser...since i think that comes standard on those things. regardless, he just loved me...which is typical. weeks later, he sent me a text stating, "i heart blue slurpees." i replied, "you know what i heart? Jesus." and i mean he still texts me....nobody knows.
next came the 22 year old, to whom, i knew i shouldnt have even give a chance..since we're in two different places in life; i, looking to progress my career, get married in a couple years, have kids...and he, still excited about driving and highly focused on his jr. college classes. still, i thought, everyone keeps saying i need to be more open minded...what's a few, 4 years difference? well, lilbean, i guess he didnt need to read your tips on saving money for dates...homie came over with a movie he owned (instead of the plan to go see a movie), and proceeded to quote the lines of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days until i was consciously trying to transfer the tips to real life.
then there was mr. perfect a couple weeks ago. i was desperately trying to impress this engineer since he's the first normal-ish man ive met in an extraordinary long time. i was even able to pseudo look past the fact that he has this weird "flapper valve" malfunction, which makes him choke every third time he takes a drink (yes, he described the condition in detail)...and the fact that he affiliates all of his ailments with his severe malnourishment as a child, since his mother "didn't want overweight children"...(holy DCFS batman!) but, alas, he just wants to be pals...yeah, i have enough friends. i dont want a sleepover...i want a sexover.
but the most random person of all isnt a man of interest....it's the born-again-christian masseuse who decided to lecture to me about letting "our savior Jesus Christ" into my heart for the entirety of the hour during which i was naked on a table at her disposal. turns out that 2012 isnt the end of the world, as the bible (which she had clearly memorized) states that "no man can predict when the light of the world shall return." She also let me know that big G's only gonna take with him those who have been born again in the spiritual seed of Christ. so, looks like im fucked. also, she's 44 and single, and said she joked with God the other day, "hey, i need a man now to have babies, or at least give me 3 dogs!"..then she did a crazy laugh and invited me to have coffee with her ANYTIME, or to let her know if i need prayers...she also told me the latitude and longitude of her church so that i could attend with her daily. i swear it was as though i was staring my future, middle-aged, self in the face...............so i have that going for me, which is nice.
it began after thanksgiving, when i was asked out on a date with a man who can only be referred to as the cheapest, pt cruiser driving, self-proclaimed athiest in the midwest. as he persistently checked our tab, i couldnt help but think that he had to have scraped the Jesus fish off of his cruiser...since i think that comes standard on those things. regardless, he just loved me...which is typical. weeks later, he sent me a text stating, "i heart blue slurpees." i replied, "you know what i heart? Jesus." and i mean he still texts me....nobody knows.
next came the 22 year old, to whom, i knew i shouldnt have even give a chance..since we're in two different places in life; i, looking to progress my career, get married in a couple years, have kids...and he, still excited about driving and highly focused on his jr. college classes. still, i thought, everyone keeps saying i need to be more open minded...what's a few, 4 years difference? well, lilbean, i guess he didnt need to read your tips on saving money for dates...homie came over with a movie he owned (instead of the plan to go see a movie), and proceeded to quote the lines of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days until i was consciously trying to transfer the tips to real life.
then there was mr. perfect a couple weeks ago. i was desperately trying to impress this engineer since he's the first normal-ish man ive met in an extraordinary long time. i was even able to pseudo look past the fact that he has this weird "flapper valve" malfunction, which makes him choke every third time he takes a drink (yes, he described the condition in detail)...and the fact that he affiliates all of his ailments with his severe malnourishment as a child, since his mother "didn't want overweight children"...(holy DCFS batman!) but, alas, he just wants to be pals...yeah, i have enough friends. i dont want a sleepover...i want a sexover.
but the most random person of all isnt a man of interest....it's the born-again-christian masseuse who decided to lecture to me about letting "our savior Jesus Christ" into my heart for the entirety of the hour during which i was naked on a table at her disposal. turns out that 2012 isnt the end of the world, as the bible (which she had clearly memorized) states that "no man can predict when the light of the world shall return." She also let me know that big G's only gonna take with him those who have been born again in the spiritual seed of Christ. so, looks like im fucked. also, she's 44 and single, and said she joked with God the other day, "hey, i need a man now to have babies, or at least give me 3 dogs!"..then she did a crazy laugh and invited me to have coffee with her ANYTIME, or to let her know if i need prayers...she also told me the latitude and longitude of her church so that i could attend with her daily. i swear it was as though i was staring my future, middle-aged, self in the face...............so i have that going for me, which is nice.
Finances in a Relationship
So my boyfriend got a new dog. She is adorable. She's about 2 months old and he got her from an adoption shelter. Cupcake has already peed and pooped all over the apartment. It's like she doesn't know that she has to do this outside!!!! Puppy training is NOT easy. She was surprisingly a bit expensive to "adopt" at $450, but my boyfriend purchased her with his poker earnings. (sigh: to the other girls with boyfriends obsessed with poker, have you learned yet??)
Anyway, this leads me to talk finance.
My boyfriend is in finance and I am in the medical field (aka the service field). He has earning potentials through the roof, while I am probably set on a 10-20k salary increase in the next 20 years at this rate (thanks to my most recent .02% raise). My measly earnings do not qualify me to become a potential pet owner. I offered to be Cupcake's mom and foot half of her needs, which is compensated mostly by $$$. This weekend, I blew about 100 bucks on her food, wee-wee pads, lease, etc. etc. I am more than happy to care for Cupcake financially, but, I can barely take care of myself. I feel like an asshole!! I told my bf my concerns and his understanding made me feel a bit better.
Budgeting for a relationship is hard especially if you don't make too much. Budgeting for a boyfriend + puppy is harder! So what are some ways to cut corners and save?
1. Propose $10 dinners with your boyfriend.
My bf and I started this about a week ago and it has been fantastic!! Some of our 10 dollar meals include: garlic Parmesan mashed red potatoes with steamed broccoli and rib-eye steak! The meal was not only cheap, but it was quite delicious! (i'll include images and recipes later). We also recently made chicken lime tacos..which were delicious!!
As we alternate days, we are only spending about 30-40 each a week! This definitely saves us money by not going out as much or even drinking at bars as well.
2. Get into the stock market.
Luckily, I have a little bit of money coming from a super secret savings account(I guess not so secret anymore). With this, I plan on opening from Scottrade accounts. Basically, they are like E-trade, but it is cheaper to trade.
With the help of my finance whiz BF, I plan on taking about 2-5k and flipping that into more.
3. Change your source of entertainment.
Recently, my bf and I have been renting out DVDs instead of going out and doing more expensive type activities. We also love having friends over and hosting $5 buy in poker nights. It's fun and it's a lot cheaper than buying a beer at an LA bar for 8 bucks and buying so-so appetizers for $15 a plate. Those days are long gone for me.
Well, those are my 3 tips of the day. And I am currently working on improving my results by following through with this. What are some other ways that you can save with your bf/spouse or alone?
Anyway, this leads me to talk finance.
My boyfriend is in finance and I am in the medical field (aka the service field). He has earning potentials through the roof, while I am probably set on a 10-20k salary increase in the next 20 years at this rate (thanks to my most recent .02% raise). My measly earnings do not qualify me to become a potential pet owner. I offered to be Cupcake's mom and foot half of her needs, which is compensated mostly by $$$. This weekend, I blew about 100 bucks on her food, wee-wee pads, lease, etc. etc. I am more than happy to care for Cupcake financially, but, I can barely take care of myself. I feel like an asshole!! I told my bf my concerns and his understanding made me feel a bit better.
Budgeting for a relationship is hard especially if you don't make too much. Budgeting for a boyfriend + puppy is harder! So what are some ways to cut corners and save?
1. Propose $10 dinners with your boyfriend.
My bf and I started this about a week ago and it has been fantastic!! Some of our 10 dollar meals include: garlic Parmesan mashed red potatoes with steamed broccoli and rib-eye steak! The meal was not only cheap, but it was quite delicious! (i'll include images and recipes later). We also recently made chicken lime tacos..which were delicious!!
As we alternate days, we are only spending about 30-40 each a week! This definitely saves us money by not going out as much or even drinking at bars as well.
2. Get into the stock market.
Luckily, I have a little bit of money coming from a super secret savings account(I guess not so secret anymore). With this, I plan on opening from Scottrade accounts. Basically, they are like E-trade, but it is cheaper to trade.
With the help of my finance whiz BF, I plan on taking about 2-5k and flipping that into more.
3. Change your source of entertainment.
Recently, my bf and I have been renting out DVDs instead of going out and doing more expensive type activities. We also love having friends over and hosting $5 buy in poker nights. It's fun and it's a lot cheaper than buying a beer at an LA bar for 8 bucks and buying so-so appetizers for $15 a plate. Those days are long gone for me.
Well, those are my 3 tips of the day. And I am currently working on improving my results by following through with this. What are some other ways that you can save with your bf/spouse or alone?
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